Explore trending updates, the latest music, videos, lyrics, mixtapes & exclusive content from Africa's entertainment scene.
Have you ever wondered why a spouse would take back a cheating partner?
You quietly watched as this individual was shown dust- sexually, emotionally, and financially neglected, the partner spending too much time away from home, a breakdown in this person's personality because their partner's infidelity destroys them inside- and their life satisfaction is next to zero.
After months, or even years of persevering bad behaviors, when you think they are finally growing a backbone and gearing up to leave the marriage, word reaches you that they have reconciled with their cheating partner. This is the point you join the bandwagon that 'marriage is a scam'. You wonder if this individual is a glutton for punishment to take back someone who would probably cheat on them repeatedly in the future.
But you can't say anything. Because they share a blanket, have a shared life, probably children in tow, and have shared assets and debts- and leaving is not easy. So you can only sit back and wonder.
According to Nairobi-based Counseling Psychologist Ms Audrey Oluyole, an individual's- whether husband or wife- the decision to take back an unfaithful partner can be influenced by the level of attachment to each other and emotional investments involved.
"People with a secure attachment style to their partner might be more willing to forgive, viewing the infidelity as a challenge to overcome rather than a relationship-ending event. Conversely, those with anxious attachment styles may fear abandonment and cling to the relationship despite the betrayal. The emotional history and depth of connection can play a significant role. A long-term emotional bond can make the idea of separating unbearable, pushing the spouse to seek reconciliation," began Ms Oluyole.
She also mentioned that the fear of being alone or starting over "can be a powerful motivator to forgive and stay" especially if the affected individual lacks a strong support network outside the marriage.
Other individuals can take back cheating partners if the affair was a one-time mistake if their love is deep and affectionate enough despite the affair, and for the sake of any shared children they have.
"The decision to take back a cheating partner is a highly personal one. It requires a lot of careful consideration. Self-worth and self-esteem significantly affect a spouse's decision to stay in a relationship after infidelity. Individuals with low self-esteem may feel that they don't deserve better or fear they won't find another partner, making them more likely to stay despite infidelity. Some may derive their self-worth from the relationship and their role, leading them to forgive infidelity to maintain that sense of identity and validation. A spouse with low self-esteem might blame themselves for the infidelity, believing that their shortcomings led to their partner's betrayal, and thus feel compelled to stay and fix things," expounded Ms Oluyole.
As is in many societies, some individuals may be pressured to take back their unfaithful spouses. It all depends on whether an individual is willing or not to sacrifice for the sake of their peace and that of the larger family.
"In some cultures, divorce or separation is stigmatized, and staying in the marriage is seen as a more honorable choice. Cultural expectations about gender roles and marital duties can also play a part, and we've seen this even in today's society. They stay with their cheating spouse because maybe culturally they're afraid of being stigmatized. Then another one is a social image. Concern about how others perceive them can influence this decision. Maintaining a façade of a happy marriage may be deemed more important than personal happiness. And this I've seen especially when it comes to people who find pride in the title of I'm Mrs. So-and-so, I'm Mrs. So-and-so's wife, I'm So-and-so's husband. So maintaining that image for them would be more important than leaving a cheating spouse. The support or lack thereof from extended family can also play a role in one taking back a cheating spouse.," continued Ms Oluyole.
The potential for personal and relational growth can influence a spouse's decision to forgive a cheating partner. Ms Oluyole said that through professional help, understanding, healing, and rebuilding trust can be worked on for a "stronger and more resilient relationship."
"But please note that when it comes to trust, it has to be rebuilt and things may not go back to how they were before the infidelity, even over the years. But that's just my thoughts. The infidelity may serve as a wake-up call, prompting both partners to address underlying issues and commit to making positive changes. Successfully navigating the aftermath of infidelity can create a deeper emotional bond, with both partners feeling a sense of accomplishment in overcoming significant challenges together," concluded Ms Oluyole.
DISCLAIMER:
The opinions expressed in this post belong solely to the original author. This content is sourced from external materials, and appropriate credit is given to the original source.
If you would like us to remove this content, please contact us immediately. This material is provided for informational and entertainment purposes only. We are not responsible for any damages resulting from its use.
